How to be a peacemaker – resolving conflicts part 2 of 3
How to Be a Peacemaker
How to be a “peacemaker. This is part 2 of 3 on how to resolve conflict. Our world and culture are in desperate need of Godly peacemakers. Differences politically, racially, and socially are continuing to intensify. Even churches and families are in great need of peacemakers. You may be in the middle of a conflict with a family member, a coworker, or some other situation and you are praying for peace. You can be a peacemaker that can help resolve the conflict and bring peace! Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.”
Unhealthy levels of conflict and hostility are negatively impacting every element of society and they are continuing to get worse. Don’t allow unresolved conflict to damage your life. Be a peacemake. The question is how? How do you minister peace in a tense and hostile situation?
3 Skills of a Peacemaker
There are 3 skills required to be a peacemaker. You need to – 1) know how to defuse a situation, 2) know how to resolve the conflict, and 3) how to reconcile relationships. You need all 3 skills to effectively bring peace where there is contention, strife, and discord.
Defuse the Situation
Last time I taught you the 4 Biblical steps to defuse and deescalate a situation. (you can read it here – CLICK) Hopefully, you’ve been studying and praying on how to develop and use these 4 steps. Today I’m going to share with you how to resolve a conflict.
Now Resolve the Conflict
You cannot resolve a conflict when tempers are raging. The first thing a peacemaker must do is defuse the situation. This helps create an atmosphere that is conducive to ministering to those involved. Once you have defused the situation you can begin the process of resolving the conflict. If you don’t resolve the conflict it will stir back up and quickly escalate again.
4 Biblical Steps to Resolving Conflict
Here are 4 steps to resolving any conflict you are in – your spouse, children, parents, at work, at church, with a friend, or any other relationship, but they are also steps you can use to help resolve conflict in situations where you have influence or an open door to help resolve a problem. Some of you are leaders and you have a great opportunity and responsibility to be a peacemaker in those situations. Put these steps into practice. Peacemakers take these steps. They –
1. Take the Initiative – take the first step
The first step in resolving conflict is – “take the initiative”. Don’t wait for the other person or people to apologize or make the first move. YOU must take the first step that’s what -PEACEMAKERS do. They take action.
Jesus deals with this first step in the sermon on the mount. He said, “If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.” (Matthew 5:23-24 MSG)
Notice reconciliation takes priority over worship! Let that sink in… This is how important what we are sharing is. This is what Jesus said. He said – You like to worship, you like to hear God’s Word, you like to fellowship with the family of God… that’s good, but there’s something more important than that – reconciliation. Some of you have been putting this off for weeks, some of you for years. Don’t put it off any longer – do it today – take the initiative.
This is the Most Important Step
This is the most important step in resolving conflict because all the other steps are contingent on you taking this first step. You must take the initiative!
It takes Courage
It takes courage to take the first step. Where do you find the courage? You get if from God. Only He can provide the courage to face your fears. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid but a spirit of power and love and self-control.” Love is the key because the Bible says love casts out fear. (1John 4:18) So pray this, God fill me with your love and give me the courage that comes from your love to take the first step.
2. Set a face to face meeting
Resolving conflict is not something that can be done by email or text. You need to plan a sit-down face-to-face meeting. Notice what Jesus said in Matthew 5. He said, “go to the person and make things right.” It doesn’t matter if you are the offender or the one offended. You take the initiative and set a meeting.
Now how you set up the meeting is crucial. Here are 4 keys for a successful meeting:
- Choose the right time. Have the meeting when both parties are at their best.
- Choose the right place. This is not something to be done in just any place. It needs to be private where you can be relaxed, won’t be bothered and you can openly share.
- Pray before you meet. You need the help of the Holy Spirit. Pray Lord help me do this right.
- Come with a positive attitude. Come to work on the problem not to attack each other. You are not meeting to demean, to disagree, or demand. You’re coming to resolve issues. This requires a positive attitude.
3. Take responsibility for your part.
It starts with you! Confess your fault – your part. This is called humility. “Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your friend, ‘Let me take that little piece of dust out of your eye’? Look at yourself! You still have that big piece of wood in your own eye. 5 You hypocrite! First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend’s eye.” (Matthew 7:3) Don’t start out by accusing, attacking, and blaming everyone else, start with you and admit your part of the problem. Listen, everybody has a part in any conflict. Even if you think your part is only 1% take responsibility for it!
This needs to be the first part of the meeting. Try saying, “I’m sorry I was wrong,” or “I’m sorry I was only thinking of myself.” You’ll be amazed at how these simple words will break the ice and open the heart of others to the work of the Holy Spirit.
4. Minister healing and reconciliation with love.
Be an agent of healing, be sensitive to the hurt, and the perspective of others. “Do not be interested only in your own life but be interested in the lives of others. In your lives you must think and act like Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 2:4-5 NCV)
How do can you do this? First listen not just with your ears, but with your heart. Seek first to understand before you seek to be understood. This requires maturity. This is what peacemakers do. This requires for you to be patient and for you to choose your words carefully. Share the truth in love. This means being very tactful. You don’t use the truth to beat people up. “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18 Our goal is healing. Our motive is love, not getting even or proving we are right.
You Have to Face the Conflict
The only way to resolve conflict is to face it! It will not resolve itself. Most people fear facing conflict. So, instead of facing conflict they try and dodge it or ignore it. Don’t pretend it doesn’t exist or sweep it under the rug. Be a peacemaker overcome your fear and help resolve the conflict. Remember you can’t heal or reconcile the situation, but God can – you are an agent, a vessel that God is working through. Don’ get in the way, but take action and let God work through you.
(part 3 deals with the 3rd skill of being a peacemaker – Reconciling Relationships. You can read it here – CLICK.)